A Calm Chat
by penlover
Summary: I am telling the Naruto characters the obvious flaws in their attitudes. If you are fans of what ever chapter then dont read. If you dont like them then all is welcome.
1. Sasuke & Sakura bashings

This is a clam little chat that I am having with Sakura and Sasuke. If you like any of these characters a little then I would suggest not reading. All bashers welcome. I will just be going over my views of the obvious flaws of the character's personalities. I will be using my name Nara.

Disclaimer- I do not own Sasuke or Sakura, because if I did then Naruto would pown Sasuke every episode and Sasuke would die in the fight between her and Sasori.

**WARNING- All who actually like Sasuke or Sakura DO NOT READ. **

Thank you and enjoy.

A Calm Chat

No POV

Nara walked into the small coffee room, see the two most idiotic, and useless characters in team 7.

"Hello," She said, almost covering her hatred of the two in front of her.

They gave nods, to her presence not really caring that the other was in the room.

Nara then blew it, not that she really had it before, but what ever she had left…suddenly went on vacation.

"Why are you such an arrogant bastard, you faggot."

"Who, are you calling arrogant, bitch." he replied, either choosing not to hear the rest of the sentence, or not thinking it was true.

"You are and that is how the author made you, why don't you actually try to stop being Mr. Avenger for three seconds. Think about it, then you would have more screen time then Naruto, and actually have a halfway decent life. There are many things that you could do instead of thinking of every detail in which you will kill your brother."

Sasuke looked like he was dieing, gasping in needed gulps of air, taking each verbal assault to the stomach.

"More screen time then Naruto?" He questioned doubtfully.

"Yep, there are lots of things that you could be thinking of."

"Like what?" He asked really forgetting the comments of his attitude.

"Like how to improve your attitude maybe?" I told him, another grotesque look crossed his face. Another blow, go Nara.

"I don't want to do that." he complained with a pout. She shook her head at his antics thinking 'you can never take the boy out of his past, and cant create a new one.'

"Well you know that if you actually had some friends on the show, then they could help you kill your brother. Even if everyone thinks your crazy, at least one of them will help. Especially your fangirls, if you converted all of your fangirls into Itachi fangirls not only would you not have to deal with them but you could also kill him. It would drive him insane. You already are so fangirls kind of just help you along onto your mental breakdown."

By the fangirl bit Sakura was already on her knees balling.

It was her turn to get a gulp of the truth.

"Yes Sakura mental breakdown. Guess what? You helped him with that little problem."

By this time, Sasuke was brooding, but he stayed so she would stay and hear all of the problems with her character. Then I could move back along to Sasuke because we all know he just need the attention. When I'm done with her she will probably leave without her precious Sasuke.

"OK Sakura. You are useless. You might have some fans in the beginning when they thought you were cute and spunky and one of the four girls on the show. Then you turned to be a crazed Sasuke fan. So either they wanted to destroy you to get to him, or hated you because you were in love with the broody emo guy, who would treat you worse then dirt.

Then if you still had one or two fans left all respect was gone before the Zabuza arc when the first mission was collecting bells. You squealed like a little fangirl and fainted. That was when all respect was lost. People still liked you because somehow you managed to be stuck with the two main characters.

Then when you got into the Zabuza arc you were named completely useless, because instead of trying to fight anyone, you stayed and "protected" (AN: complete air quotes) with the old guy. I am seriously surprised you just didn't pull out a deck of cards and started to play go fish. Nothing absolutely nothing you can do actually contributes to the show, I don't know why the author killed most of the Akatsuki off but forgot about you."

Before Nara could get into her rant, because like Sasuke she could go on and on about her absolute uselessness. Really why didn't he just kill her off.

Nara was red in the face from talking for to long and Sakura had puffy red eyes from crying. Thankfully none of her sobs were loud enough that you couldn't here the main points of her rant.

She turned back to Sasuke who was laughing at Sakura's retreating backside. Hoping that she didn't return for fright of more of Nara's ranting.

Nara looked the raven boy right in the eye and screeched "YOUR NO BETTER!"

This took Sasuke back, thinking that Sakura was the one that was going to be on the receiving end of her wrath, he was wrong by a long shot.

"Sasuke Uchiha, why do you act like you know everything?"

"Because I do." He answered, trying to sound convincing.

"Why do you act like you're the main character?"

"Because the story line revolves more around me then Naruto, but the author decided to name the books/animes after him because he gets more screen time, even if I'm hotter."This took Nara back, she stared at him in mock shock.

"Sasuke, this was what we were talking about earlier, about you thinking that you know everything, but know nothing. Your ego is bigger then your head, in which we need to knock it down a few notches."

"The author made me like this I cant help if I am a moody bastard."

Shocking. He knows his own personality problems. I bet he doesn't know all of them, Nara will have to help him with this.

"You choose to be a moody bastard because you think that all of the screen time, that you have will make you look better by saving Naruto, who is way more powerful then you.

And another thing, you know from the beginning that you are going to kill Itachi one way or another. There is no way you are going to die, no matter how badly beaten because you are a main character, deeming you special. Maybe you and the author should get a reality check, but that will come later. I could give you one to, but this fan fiction is not about that so…back to what we were talking about.

"Sasuke your inability to do anything for yourself, is almost depressing. You obviously don't want to start anything, so you just finish Naruto's fights and become a hero in all of your fangirl's eyes. If you are so annoyed with fangirls, then why do you voluntarily hang out with Sakura, who we both know it. Is stalking you when you turn around. Haven't you seen her at your house, or all of your used tissues, and trash empty and then finding the stuff on e-bay. Even if you don't know it, you don't see your fangirls gossiping over that stuff and parading it around. "

Sasuke shook his head. The replied "No." an almost confused tone laced into his word.

Nara smirked then screamed "Then you're an Idiot!"

Sasuke felt like dirt. It was working.

Nara walked over to Sasuke punched him hard and he fell unconscious. "You also don't know how to take a hit."

Then she left the boy to be devoured by one of his fangirls.

I hope all Sasuke haters like this, and the Sakura. Sorry if it was stupid. I don't want any flames about Sasuke/Sakura being the best either. Freedom of words. I also put a clear warning in the top. I don't like them get over it. I thought that there should be a story about someone taking apart their little unimportant hearts so I wrote it.

For all who enjoyed hearing the two please review. All who review gets to stab either one anywhere. I would also like to know if I should rant about other characters. Please tell me what you guys think.

**Nara Yumi-Out. :0**


	2. Naruto & Hinata Bashings

This one is going to feature myself, Hinata and Naruto. If you aren't offended by bashings then continue. I like the coffee room. So I will be waiting in their for my next ranting victims. I hope that you enjoy.

**WARNING- Naruto and Hinata fans, beware they are my bashing victims. **

I only put that part in because most are to lazy to read the author's comments before reading the story.

Disclaimer- I do not own Naruto or Hinata because if I did I would put them together, they would be really cute together.

This is pre time skip. Only because I haven't got that far.

~BASHING~BASHING~BASHING~BASHING~

It was a Monday, a Monday morning. Nara needed coffee before she blew it. To bad there was none left and she had to brew another pot. Meaning she had to wait before she could get her beloved morning drink. She was up the whole night before, so she needed the caffeine.

The water was in the pot, the coffee maker was loaded with powder (that's what I call the dried kernels that you put into the coffee…to make it coffee) and the magic machine was working.

The sweet-bitter taste waking her up slightly, but she was extremely on the edge, just waiting to be dragged to her doom. Not that it wasn't anything anyone didn't expect. Nara usually stayed up all night and had coffee to keep her sane. With out the drink waking her up everyone in her path was dead.

This could be a bad thing or an extremely good thing for a ninja. For her senses were always defined, as she was a ninja. So the lack of coffee just made her blood thirsty.

The intoxicating smell coming from the maker almost made her faint. The came a loud beep indicating that the magic pot was done brewing. Handling the hot pot and cup she went to pour her cup. The liquid was slowly pouring into the plasic cup when… Naruto chose that moment to come bursting through the doors. Hinata trailing close behind.

Once the doors opened, slightly scaring Nara she threw the kettle that was in her hands, making the brown liquid slosh onto the floor and the metal pot to have a face shaped dent in the side.

Nara didn't have her coffee. Hinata knew how Nara was like with out her coffee. It was not good. She cowered slightly behind Naruto, waiting for the wrath to come. Nara's left eye started to twitch.

"Watch it, believe it." Naruto said once the maker was extracted from his face. Both of Nara's eyes started to twitch. "Stop being so loud, believe it." Nara mimicked.

Naruto's face showed little anger.

"Whatever." He scowled.

Nara shrilly laughed. "How could you be so cheerful in the morning? How can you be so loud in the morning? Don't people yell?"

Naruto had the common decency to blush slightly, and looked away. Like nothing happened. 'To much like Sasuke. Hay more ranting time!' Nara thought.

"Well Naruto why do you want everyone to 'believe it?" Nara asked.

"Because no one believes me when I say anything." So Naruto had insecurities.

"Why do you let Sasuke finish almost all of your fights?"

"Because I don't!" Naruto was breaking.

"Is the yaoi true?"

"No of course not!" 'was he really telling the truth' Nara thought but let it slip not caring enough.

"Naruto, you have an awful catch phrase. You cant finish any one of your fights. Sasuke is saving you in almost every chapter. You not only have a gazillion and a half fangirls, but you also have characters in love with you, but no! your in love with a girl that hates you and will admit it in public. Naruto why are you a main character?" Nara's mini rant.

Naruto was about to blow his top. Nara was enjoying every second of it. Almost not suppressing her smirk all the way.

He was about to get physical, because we all know that Naruto is not good with his words. Hinata stopped him by putting her hand on his chest making him stop all motions.

"aww" Nara cooed. Naruto pulsating vein was clearly showing on his forehead.

"You get out of this." Naruto scolded Hinata, she backed off.

"That's right she's so in love with you that she'll do anything you want her to." Nara mocked.

That was the last straw for Naruto. He lunged forward fist extended. It was aimed for her stomach. She caught it turned him around, pulled his other fist down to the first one and then held them behind his back. He was struggling to get free, missing her legs and body every time his legs swung backwards.

Hinata walked forward to reason into letting her love go. Her fingers poked together in a nervous fashion.

"Please let Naruto go." She mumbled quietly.

"Oh gosh, Hinata get some backbone. Either find some or get some, I don't care use it. You know how. Get in their and fight! don't look from the stands anymore. Use your voice and fists. Also get some dating advise and not from Sakura. Stalking is not the answer! Tell Naruto that your in love with him, because if you don't Sakura might finally get it through her head that Sasuke will never be in love with her and she'll go looking for someone else." Hinata was slightly embarrassed that Nara told her love that she loved him. She ran off.

Naruto having the very dense head that he owns was oblivious to the rant above him. He was clearly focusing the little brain power that he had on escaping Nara's tight hold.

"Why did you hurt Hinata like that?" He asked when he freed himself a few moments later.

"I was helping her but your head is so thick and brain so small that you didn't catch on. Not that I actually thought that you would, but their was the slim chance that it might happen." Nara told him.

Naruto was pissed and tried to hit Nara again. Only resulting in a fist in his face.

Nara left a dizzy Naruto and the broken coffee machine in the room, opting to go and buy a cup from a local vender.

She was needed in Tsunade's office immediately. She was going on an extremely harsh mission. Or that was what she was told, she didn't know where she was going or what she was going to do.

Sorry this was so short. There isn't much that I don't like about Naruto other then him ignoring Hinata, loving Sakura, having a thick skull, and always fighting before thinking. All I really don't like about Hinata is her shyness, meaning she doesn't have enough backbone to tell Naruto how she feels. This is pre time skip so don't tell me how they get better when they are grown, because I told them their major character problems and they fought to change most of them. Sasuke will always be stuck up and Naruto will always have a thick skull, I don't care what you say. That is what I think and will continue thinking. Until I get past the time skip, then I might have different views.

Review please, and you might get to send Nara somewhere. Tell me who you want her to tell of next. Out of spite or its just funny. Most of this I really think would be the questions and answers to. If you want it stupider tell me please. Constructive criticism people.


End file.
